I thought I was a super careful grocery shopper. I always check to see if things are organic or not, or if they're fat free or not, or if they're fresh enough to still be mooing. But I made a rookie mistake last week and bought whole bean coffee.
I do not own a coffee grinder.
And I found this out around 10:00 on Sunday night, when I was already exhausted and couldn't even fathom a Monday morning without coffee. And a trip to Starbucks would only mean an earlier wake-up time.
So, I did what 21st century girls do and Googled, "How to grind coffee beans without a coffee grinder." I kid you not, the first tip was "Consider purchasing coffee that is already ground." NOT FUNNY. DO NOT MAKE A MOCKERY OF ME, INTERNET. And from there, it suggested putting the beans in a bag and rolling over them with a rolling pin (which I had already somewhat tried, but I tried smashing them with a pizza cutter and that only ended up putting puncture wounds in the bag. For some reason, I thought using a blender was too easy. There was no way it would grind up beans that small, and of course the internet discouraged me from trying it. And somewhere, I'm sure a super pretentious barista is shaking with fury over all the bean flavor I murdered by grinding them up in a common blender, but that's exactly what I did.
And it worked like a charm! Why didn't anyone ever tell me this was possible?!?!?
In fact, it not only worked, it was a BLAST! You can watch the beans literally get pulverized, and the only thing I think you're sacrificing is your eardrums, because they are loud.com/earpiercing. But I ended up grinding the whole bag because I had so much fun. I did have to send a quick text message upstairs to my sister letting her know I wasn't lumberjacking the house to bits.
So my morning coffee was saved! And that's the story of how I beat the grocery gods.